Sick as a...  

Posted by CK

I honestly feel like I’ve got a combination of the pneumonic, bubonic, baboonic and a couple of other variants of the plague. My nose and throat have taken turns the past few days making me feel like shit. No sooner do I spend a couple of hundred bucks buying medicines for one type of irritation with either of them, they switch and then change the root of the issue. For instance, I started with an itchy nose with the sniffles. The logical buy would be an anti-allergic antihistamine with an inhaler. A few minutes after said purchase, my throat decides to turn into sandpaper making every breath and swallow seem like nails on a chalkboard. I buy a throat irritant soother and I’m gulping it like it’s going out of style. Then my nose tries to see if my tissue can compete with the Lady of the Mist and does a Niagra. I, of course, am no “wet behind the ears” run of the mill pill-popper. I respond immediately with decongestants. What’s the next course of action? I get ready to audition for the part of the third Tuberculosis patient from the left in some B-grade Middle Ages movie or of course, one of my favorite movies, Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail.  

The Dead Collector: Bring out yer dead. 
[a man puts a body on the cart
Large Man with Dead Body: Here's one. 
The Dead Collector: That'll be ninepence. 
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not dead. 
The Dead Collector: What? Large Man with Dead Body: Nothing. There's your ninepence. 
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not dead. 
The Dead Collector: 'Ere, he says he's not dead. 
Large Man with Dead Body: Yes he is. 
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not. 
The Dead Collector: He isn't. 
Large Man with Dead Body: Well, he will be soon, he's very ill. 
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm getting better. 
Large Man with Dead Body: No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment. 
The Dead Collector: Well, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations. 
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I don't want to go on the cart. 
Large Man with Dead Body: Oh, don't be such a baby. 
The Dead Collector: I can't take him. The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I feel fine. 
Large Man with Dead Body: Oh, do me a favor. 
The Dead Collector: I can't. 
Large Man with Dead Body: Well, can you hang around for a couple of minutes? He won't be long. 
The Dead Collector: I promised I'd be at the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today. 
Large Man with Dead Body: Well, when's your next round? 
The Dead Collector: Thursday. 
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I think I'll go for a walk. 
Large Man with Dead Body: You're not fooling anyone, you know. Isn't there anything you could do? 
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I feel happy. I feel happy. [the Dead Collector glances up and down the street furtively, then silences the Body with his a whack of his club
Large Man with Dead Body: Ah, thank you very much. 
The Dead Collector: Not at all. See you on Thursday. 
Large Man with Dead Body: Right. 


It doesn't help that i'm like a friggin' baby when I'm sick. I am now on Antibiotics, Antihistamines, Decongestants, AuntiPetunia, Lozenges, Cough Syrups, Antipyretics, Analgesics and an entire experimental drug line from Pfizer.

By the way, this is a picture of me taken 5 minutes ago...

I need TLC. 

"You can buy your hair if it won't grow

You can fix your nose if he says so

You can buy all the make-up that mac can make

But if you can't look inside you

Find out who am i, too

Be in a position to make me feel so damn unpretty"

Oh, yeah, some tender lovin care wouldn't go astray either. :| I'm rambling. I'm off for my enema. Too much info? I think so. 

Movie Review : The Wonderful Case of Benjamin Button – Redux  

Posted by CK in , ,

I’ve had a lot of people ask me why I thought the movie was great. Most people told me that they thought the movie was boring. Too long, too slow, so, why did I hype it up to be so good? I just thought I should give them a little explanation.

Brad Pitt is a great actor. Whether it be comedy (Burn After Reading), drama (Meet Joe Black), thriller (Se7en) or action (Fight Club). He is versatile and doesn’t get half the credit he deserves. I’m not talking about the sexiest man alive or the man who adopts the most children but for his skills as a thespian. Opposite him is one of the most graceful, elegant and powerful actresses since Grace Kelly, Cate Blanchett. She’s breath-taking either as an Elven queen in Lord of the Rings or as the immortal Katherine Hepburn in Aviator.

When you put these two together in Benjamin Button, you get a performance that will leave you yearning for more. The strength and hopelessness of their short-lived love teaches you a very important lesson. “It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.”

It might sound a little cliché but it’s true. Benjamin knows he has to journey through life alone and that no one can share his unique view of the world but the strength of their love keeps drawing him back to her again and again and again. And as I’ve said before, they share a brief liaison, but that keeps him going. And well, he trusts no one but her to take care of him as he is unable to care for himself as a toddler.

And the best part of the entire thing is, how understated the acting is. I love movies where there are no grand emotional scenes or hysterical, tear-jerking climaxes. I love movies where the mood and tone of the actors say all there is to say about their feelings. Legends of the Fall and Meet Joe Black were two such movies. In both, he said so little but then again, he didn’t have to. Anthony Hopkins (another legend who I can’t say enough about) and him just spoke to each other or didn’t but we always understood exactly what was going through their minds. Pitt conveyed both the sense of power as well as the vulnerabilities of being Death in Joe Black while Hopkins was the man who knew he had so little time but had to make his life and legacy count.

And this is the type of movie that Benjamin Button is. You believe he’s a child in an 80 year-old body or that he is an old man in a teenager’s.

For those of you who like action and screaming and CGI, this isn’t your cup of tea. This is just a very unique, very strange love story of a very curious man.

I'm a Dork  

Posted by CK

I just found a picture of myself online that I didn't even know existed. I can't remember when this was taken or what the context was. 

Can you tell which one's me? ;) 

Movie Review : The Wonderful Case of Benjamin Button  

Posted by CK in , , ,

If there ever was a wish that most people make, it is that they stay young forever. Or even have the chance to grow young again. And if there ever was a story that make you think twice about that, that’s the story of a man who had no choice in the matter. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is the tale of a man whose life is inexplicably linked to a clock. A clock made by a father who is so heartbroken by the death of his young son, that he makes it tick backwards. It was almost as if the man, by simple act of making this clock, was willing time to reverse itself and give him his son back.


This is a wonderful story, so eternally tragic and sad. The loneliness and the heartache of a person who’s destined (some might say, doomed) to grow younger while everyone around him ages normally. Benjamin Button is born with the body of an 80-year-old. He is abandoned by his father at the steps of an old age home and is taken in by a caring, sweet woman who looks at him like God’s gift. It is thought he wouldn’t live very long but then, he starts aging. Backwards. Every year that passes sees Benjamin grow just a little bit stronger, a little younger. And then, of course, as there is in every story worth telling, he falls in love. He meets a young girl, Daisy, who comes to visit her grandmother at the same home he is in. And he lives his life by one very simple tenet, “You never know what’s coming.”


This movie was the first one in a very long time that made me stop and think. It’s every person’s role in life to live a certain way, experience all that life has to offer and grow old, hopefully with someone else that you’d love to grow old with. And if you’re lucky, you die with them. Maybe to go on to a better place and maybe not. This is the way that things are meant to be. But then again, men are never ones to accept their fate and make their peace with it. It is in every fiber of our being that we don’t like to lie down and accept anything. This is a fight that’s been going on through the course of our existence. The search for the Tree of Life, the Fountain of Youth, some elixir that would magically let us live forever. The quest to be immortal is as old as our species itself. And whether it will be achieved is something that only time will tell. After watching this movie, I’m not sure I want to find the Fountain or any elixir, for that matter.


Benjamin’s life is tied to that of just one other person, Daisy. She is the only constant and he keeps meeting her at different junctions in their lives, her growing up and him heading in the other direction. The only time they can truly be together is when they meet in the middle. They’re both around 40 when they decide they can be together and share a life, even if it is for short period of time before the unfortunate fate that is his sends them in different directions. Because, while growing young is all well, you must understand that the same thing that people try to avoid in growing old happens again. You forget to walk, you forget how to take care of yourself and finally, you can hold yourself up. Age is a fickle thing in any direction. It’s actually true when they say that you leave this world exactly how you come in to it. Vulnerable, helpless and dependant on the care of others.  


This movie is a definite must see. Brad Pitt as Benjamin Button and Cate Blanchett as Daisy portray the pain of living such a life with so much grace and understated brilliance. The narrative takes you to all the important junctures in his life, most of them involving Daisy. And his attempts to live a normal life, fully knowing that there’s nothing normal about it, is heart-wrenching. I hope Pitt does win the Academy Award for this film because it is truly deserved.  

If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all…  

Posted by CK in , , ,

It’s been a while since I’ve heard this line. The last time I heard it said, a cute little animated bunny was saying it in a movie that I didn’t watch because I was shocked that Walt’s animators thought it was cool to kill a doe.

But it’s apt for the mood I’m in right now. I just read a friend’s blog and I realized something. I have a big mouth. I mean, it’s a normal sized mouth with a tendency to say stupid, insensitive things at times. Not that I intentionally was mean to someone but sometimes you don’t need to be purposefully jack-assy in order to get on someone’s nerves. Saying the wrong things at the wrong times can do it as well. And this is a realization that comes to me once in a while. And I try to be good about it.

I’m a decent judge of character and I’m normally very tactful. “Wait!” you might say. “Didn’t you just make up a word (“jack-assy”) to describe yourself not one paragraph ago, you crazy, self-contradicting son of a bitch??” To which I say, “Patience and all shall be explained. Oh, and for all those who swore at me, a virus is downloading on to your computer as you read this and the lights will go out… now.”

Did it work? Are all the cussers gone?

Anywho, for those of you who don’t know me, I’m pretty good with being polite/diplomatic when I have to tell someone I don’t know too well, something harsh or even mildly difficult. But the flip side is that I’m also very sarcastic. Most of the time, the sarcasm is funny but then sometimes, it’s incessant. I try to control myself but it’s hard.

The thing that most people aren’t good with, and I know this from experience, is knowing when to shut up. How many times have people put their foot in their mouth and swallowed up to the knee? Well, the logical answer would be one (since said person would then choke to death as something the size of a leg would definitely press the trachea until… well, you get the picture.) but people do it a LOT. And it drives me nuts. But the more difficult thing is to realize when you’re doing it yourself. You’ve got to kind of realize that sometimes, sarcasm is just annoying. Not funny, not entertaining, it’s just plain irritating.

So, resolution... strike that... decision #1 for the New Year is know when to shut up. 

Also, to my friend who I might have annoyed, I’m sorry and you know I love ya. PS: In case all you OTHER friends think it’s you, her name starts with a P and ends with an A and rhymes with Hissy. Now, the retards reading this are going, “Wait, so the name is Pissya?” Shut up. She’ll know. That’s all that matters.

On to happier topics.

I just finished reading
The Chronicles of Narnia the other day. All seven of them. And they are awesome. I mean, they were written purely as kids’ books but honestly, they rock. And don’t worry; my description will go a little beyond sounding like a pre-pubescent boy from the ‘90s.

C.S.Lewis was actually a good friend of another favorite author of mine, J.R.R. Tolkien. They actually had a little literary group called The Inklings. First off, love the name, even if I have no clue what it mea… WAIT A SECOND! INKLINGS! Like - 
“Do you have an inkling of what’s going on, old chap?” 
“No, and stop talking like that…” 

Inklings! I swear to god, I just figured it out. Like just this second when I was writing it out. 

Right, moving on. 

Imagine being part of a group like that. Your best friend will go on to be one of the most beloved Fantasy writers of all time and he goes on to create a language in his books. You yourself don’t do so bad with books that will later spawn movies with some British children you’ve never heard of. But imagine the ideas that must’ve been thrown about in that forum.

CSL - 
“Hey Tolkie*, I’m going to have Talking Trees as characters in my books and just to be obvious, I’ll just call them “Talking Trees”.”

(to himself) “Trees that talk? Not bad… but jeez, come up with a better name than that. Anything’s better than that… which reminds me, call my E.N.T. My throat’s really… wait a minute… ENTS! Haha. I’ll show him.”

(to CSL) “Sure thing, Lew*. That’s a great idea! Jolly good show and all that. Tea?”

(* These nicknames are not verified by historical sources)

But I’d love to be a part of something so… creative. I think it would be refreshing to sit in a circle with like-minded people and create something that’ll endure.

The Chronicles are exactly as the name suggests. Sweeping tales of bravery, loyalty, and good takes a beating and come back to smack bad right up the ass. And in seven books, Lewis has managed to tell a story from Creation to Judgment Day. And they’re not heavy books with complex characters and back-stories that read like War and Peace. They are simple children’s books that have children as their central characters and adventures that any child would love to dream of.

Now, the only part of the books that I had a little trouble with was the fact that it read like the Disney version of Christianity. Every action is steeped in religious overtones. See, Lewis turned atheist at a very young age and then rediscovered his faith around the time he started writing. And this reflects very strongly in his writing. His allusion to Aslan as Christ is none too subtle.

Nonetheless, the books are a pleasure to read. For anyone who has watched the movies first, you’ll find the books so much simpler but that’s the beauty of it. Whist Lord of the Rings was a masterpiece of writing that can have no equal, they are not children’s books. The Hobbit was but not the rest. LOTR could never be translated in all its glory to the big screen because of the sheer scale of such an endeavor. Peter Jackson ran the risk of making a 12 hour movie if he were to include every aspect of the original book and even then, be left wanting. But the simplicity of The Chronicles gives us the liberty to dream even bigger and make the enchanted world of Narnia our own. You could never do that with Middle-Earth because the history and the story of it is complete and even thinking of reinventing it is unthinkable. Tolkien's world is sacrosanct. But in Narnia, you can create your own adventures with characters from your own imagination and take it where you may. The Chronicles only ever claim to tell a very small part of this story.

For those of you who haven’t read them, please do. You’ll be taken back to a time when you were a child and your imagination was limitless. Oh, and please read them in the order they were meant to be read in and not the order of when they were written.

Chronological/Reading order:

  1. The Magician's Nephew
  2. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
  3. The Horse and His Boy
  4. Prince Caspian
  5. The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
  6. The Silver Chair
  7. The Last Battle

You will not be disappointed.

A Little Security Goes a Long Way & Movie Review : The Perfect Storm & The Omen  

Posted by CK in ,

Well, it's a new year. Again. I can't believe it. Again. 

I know I keep saying this every new year that the past year went by in the blink of an eye, etc, etc. But that reminds me of something someone once said. Apparently, when you're a child, say, 5 years old, a year is essentially a fifth of your life and hence seems like forever. The older you grow, the smaller the fraction becomes and when you're 20, or in my case, 28, the percentage is miniscule. So, going forward, every year is going to seem shorter and shorter... 

There, I think I've actually gone and depressed myself some more.

You must be wondering what the title has anything to do with anything and in true form, for the most part, it has nothing to do with most of the post. But I found out today that I've got my position (at work) quite secure for at least a while longer. I've been reconfirmed as a Supervisor and have been given an additional team to handle. Which means that in these dire times when there's nary a job to be had, I've got some sense of permanence with respect to work. 

That actually makes me feel a lot better about a lot of things. The downside is, of course, that there will be no pay hikes, bonuses, etc, but the upside is that I have a job from which I can even expect pay hikes. :) So, I shan't complain anymore about that.

As I type this out, The Perfect Storm is playing on TV. The part where he's squat in the middle of the damn storm and actually trying to push through a wave that looks like it belongs in Deep Impact. Which of course, is adding to my happy mood. This makes me wonder if, in that situation, I'd keep going or just say, "Hell with this shite." and just settle down to die. I mean, what about hopeless situations makes us fight through clinging on to just the slightest chance of hope. And thar she goes... I'm sorry. For those of you who can't see my TV at this point in time, the Andrea Gail just sank like a rock after fighting through what was apparently the worst storm in history. The funny thing is, when I was in Newfoundland, I had a few friends who were sailors (the fishermen kind, not the catamaran kinds) who knew the crew of the Andrea Gail. Many other ships were lost that night and they still speak about it in awe. Men who went up against the earth-shattering might of nature and lost. But they were men who were just trying to feed their families. I guess in these cases, self-preservation just goes out the window when you're trying to do what's best for the ones you love.

OKAY. That's enough on that happy topic. I've realized that the way I'm going, this blog will be a big hit with anyone who's supremely high and hence think they need to discuss the finer nuances of human nature or those who're contemplating suicide. No more.

Happy thoughts, happy, cheery thoughts...


Jesus. This is tougher than I imagined. It's not exactly easy to switch moods, eh.

Right. Why do I even bother.

And do you know what movie is on now? Just guess... Okay, I know you're reading this and are probably not going to guess. The OmenThe original, in case you were wondering. Anti-Christ and all. :) I should honestly turn the bleeding TV off when I write. 

This kid is waaay scarier than the new Omen child. Where do they get these freaky looking kids anyway? Don't their parents get a little freaked out? Imagine having your child (potentially the Anti-Christ) standing at your bedroom door, in the dark, with the light behind him, looking at you in the middle of the night...  

Reason Number 284 for not having kids. One day I might be bothered to tell you the other 283 reasons but not tonight. Now, red-assed baboons are attacking the car with the kid. 

Today is not the day for happy posts so I’m just going to give up trying and get to bed. And of course, watch the kid murder everyone.


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