Movie Review : 2012  

Posted by CK in ,

So, I did it. I watched 2012. And you know what? It wasn't as bad as everyone said it was going to be. I mean, come on. It's a Ronald Emmerich movie. If stuff isn't blowing up for no good reason (or in this case, very flimsy reasons), then THERE'S NO MOVIE. But before you read any further, please do leave your common sense at the door. Such foolishness as "reason" and "science" shouldn't ruin what would otherwise be a great doomsday film.



So, yes, we were warned. 2012 was supposed to be the date the Mayan calendar ended. But do you know who discovers the first traces of Armageddon?? Is it the Americans in New York? Noo. It's a very sweaty Jimmy Mistry with an atrocious accent in Indian Astronomical Institute, which is, I have to say located in a run down, dilapidated shack, which is where ALL our Indian research institutions are located. In the outhouse. (DAMN YOU,  SLUMDOG! DAMN YOU TO HELL!!)

Anywho, so Mistry tells new black African-American (after all, we don't like to stereotype or be prejudiced do we? DO WE??) dude, Chiwetel Ejiofor (from other end-of-the-world classics such as Tsunami: The Aftermath and Children of Men). Chiwetel, let's call him Chi for short, tells the US President AND THEN AMERICA STEPS IN TO SAVE THE DAY. Jesus. And here I was, thinking that this movie was going to be like all the others. :P

So, they build Arks and John Cussack finds out about them and outruns, and I'm not making this up, (why would I, when everything I've said so far is so believable) the sinking of California, the volcanic eruption of the Central United States and how could I forget, an ash cloud traveling several hundred miles per hour. He then lands in the Himalayas, sneaks aboard an Ark just when the water hits. And then they live happily ever after... hahaha... just kidding. The Ark door is stuck open, water is rushing in, everyone's going to die unless he saves the day. Again. And THEN, they live happily ever after. (Not everyone, just the 10,000 people aboard the Arks)



So, the movie is an apocalyptic one. There are a lot of cool special effects that MUST be watched on the big screen. Trust me, it's not going to blow you out of your seat if you watch it on your TV or computer.

Having said that, please, Ronald Emmerich, please consult a scientist, or even a third-grader. There are no such things as "mutant neutrinos". There are regular neutrinos and then there are neutrinos with an X chromosome thus giving them special powers. I'm kidding. There are no MUTANT NEUTRINOS. The basic particles of the Universe aren't going to change on December 21st, 2009, microwave the Earth and then suddenly switch back on December 22nd, 2009. (When the flood ends and the magnetic South Pole is in Wisconsin).

Woody Harelson has a very funny cameo and his "online blog" was the funniest thing in the movie. A close second was Danny Glover getting smushed by the USS John F Kennedy. Oliver Platt is pretty okay as a conniving politician.

I say, watch it once, and if you have a big screen, then bring out the DVD again for a "End of the World" Movie Marathon.

Oh, yes. Jimmy, the guy who saved (a bit) of the world doesn't get picked up and isn't given a seat on the Ark. So, I end this by saying... DAMN YOU, SLUMDOG! DAMN YOU TO HELL!!

This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 25, 2009 at Wednesday, November 25, 2009 and is filed under , . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .

14 comments

Nice review... though I do not have any plans of watching this movie.

Some folks are laughing all the way to the bank... riding high on the 'Mayan Calendar'. Even though the Aztecs have been 'conveniently' eliminated... from the face of the earth...

But who knows... ???

Just like Nostradamus' prediction re: an iron bird hitting Amerigo... came true. And we got to know that the 'Big O' and his cronies are diehard Nostradamus fans... who have a large collection of his works... in the Arabic, Pushtu languages.

Our collective GK might move northwards in 2012 too...

November 26, 2009 at 11:50 AM

Wow, didn't know that about Obama. I'm a Nostradamus fan, too. I've followed his writings and Quatrains quite a bit and even if he didn't get everything right, he still got a hell of a lot.

Having said that, I don't think 2012 will be any different from 1999 or 2000 or 2002 or the millions of other "adjusted" doomsday scenarios they came up with. The only thing that might hurt is if Solar activities like flares and stuff start acting out. Then there might be trouble.

November 26, 2009 at 11:56 AM

The 'Big O' I referred to earlier... is the other 'Big O'. Not Obama.

And I meant it sarcastically. Just read between the lines.

I agree with you re: 2012.

We have had several doomsday sayers. All getting more than their fair share of 15 minutes of fame.

And then 'Kalki' is yet to appear. Even though many scholars point out that Prophet Muhammed was 'Kalki'. Even the Bible clearly mentions 'Kalki' Some scholars refer to Jesus Christ as the 'spiritual son of Lord Shri Krishna'.

Between the ages of 13-30 nothing is known about him. Many say that he had spent this time in the Indian subcontinent.

Still others including followers of the Islamic faith (some sects atleast) say that he was never crucified. That was a myth perpetuated by the Church... to consolidate its hold. And that Jesus was buried somewhere in Kashmir.

November 26, 2009 at 12:07 PM

Now I get it. OSama, not Obama. I know I sound like a ditz but I thought you meant they were racing against time to prevent disasters. :) Anywho, the sarcasm went right over my head on that one.

I've heard the Jesus myth about him and India. Validity? I don't know. Would be pretty cool though.

Every culture has a doomsday, end-of-times mythology to them. Hindu mythology doesn't have destruction in it though. The next Yuga after this one, Satya or Righteous, follows right after Kali and I think there are two or three more followed by another Kali Yuga. So, Hindu's believe the cycle is never-ending (as is reincarnation).

November 26, 2009 at 12:46 PM

Okie!

Now... this is what I wrote: "Just like Nostradamus' prediction re: an iron bird hitting Amerigo... came true. And we got to know that the 'Big O' and his cronies are diehard Nostradamus fans... who have a large collection of his works... in the Arabic, Pushtu languages."

Re: the iron bird hitting Amerigo. It is the proverbial chicken and egg question. Which came first... ???

Did the iron birds hit Amerigo (America)... since it was as per the prediction made centuries ago... ??? Or did it draw 'inspiration' from that prediction... ???

Plus... do the Big O's followers read Nostradamus... ???

November 26, 2009 at 3:37 PM

Yeah, I got that much from what you were trying to say.

To speculate:

Osama's a pretty smart guy. I'm sure if anything that's been written about America's downfall, he's read it. With no admiration whatsoever, one does not say uncaptured for 8 years without the wiles of a fox. And besides, he might be surrounded by tribals but the dude himself is quite up to date, technology wise. I mean, they tried to use liquid explosives for their next plan. I feel he might have used Nostradamus' writings to prove to his followers it was pre-ordained even if he wasn't a believer himself.

November 26, 2009 at 4:28 PM

No. I'm trying to say something very, very different.

Where do the 'non-state actors' get their equipments from... ???

Do you think 26/11 was just an act of terror... or do you think it is a part of a larger gameplan... ???

I feel it was the later. 9/11 has been milked for all it was worth. The Big O has not been traced (if at all he was supposed to be traced)... ??? He cannot be declared 'alt+cntrl+del' either... until another 'Big O' has been 'created'. 'They' certainly tried to build up 'Mehsud'... and link him to 'Big O'... but that did not work out. 'coz a certain lady left behind a note pointing fingers at the erstwhile supermodel of the exclusive 'Bushshirt'. Which actually = pointing fingers at those who had given him that shirt and much else... in the first place.

So, the 'charade' continues. Another Big O has declared a shift in policy... and coined the term 'Af-Pak'. So, now we have this 'War on Terror' squarely shifted to the subcontinent. Iraq will take a backseat for the time being. Will be resurrected after 4-8 years. Just like Afganistan has been brought back into the limelight after 7-8 years.

November 26, 2009 at 5:14 PM

You think Osama's a fabrication of the West? I think I have to disagree. See, I've lived in Saudi for the first 17 years of my life and I know how the Saudis think. And this isn't a cruel generalization but 90% of the population does practically no work and are barely literate. Up until a decade ago, each home was a flush with oil money and people spent time on indulgences. All sorts of western decadence whilst at the same time spewing Islamic fundamentalist crap. It's not hard for a rich industrialist like bin Laden to get bored, decides he wants a hobby and pick a convenient target like the US. Might've been convenient for Bush but now, he's a rallying point for the rest of the world's crazies.

As for 26/11, I think the Pakistani Army has one aim and one aim only. Keep attacking India, as they have been since August 15, 1947. The Pakistanis were damn happy Osama was around cause it meant billions in aid to "capture" him but probably now, not so much cause they have suicide bombers killings scores on a daily basis and actually attacking Pakistani Army locations.

November 26, 2009 at 6:05 PM

I did not say he is a fabrication of the west. He is their 'creation'.

They created him to defeat their rival ideology... Communism. They created him and others to defeat the Soviets and bring down Russia as their rival superpower. That was achieved in 88-89.

These fundamentalists were created by the CIA in American Universities. Look at the role the CIA chiefs oplayed. Pentagon played. Charlie Wilson played. Plus others of course. They used to be hailed as the moral equivalent of 'Thomas Jefferson' and much else. No criticism of these jehadists were allowed anywhere until the 'goal' was achieved.

The economy of the sole superpower and its allies depend largely on defence equipment manufacturing products. They have to keep creating 'issues' and markets for them. Else their economies and much else will collapse.

See what they did to King Faisal... ??? See how they enlisted the 'House of Saud'... into creating these 'jehadists'. King Faisal after the Orgn. of Islamic countries summit in '74, stopped selling oil to the Americans. He was asked to do so by Zulfiqar Ali Bhutto... who was then the PM of Pak. He advised King Faisal to get the Americans to agree to his terms and conditions.

Plus he went in for nuclear weapons. Henry Kissenger warned him "We will make an example of you"... and see what they did to both. Infact to many more.

November 26, 2009 at 9:04 PM

After the end of the Cold War and the defeat of the Soviet forces in Afganistan... they could not afford to stop their defence equipment manufacturing either.

It was the end of the cold war (officially, that is). The defeat and pull out of the Soviet forces from Afganistan... and the disintegration of Russia. So, the 'holy warriors' built up for over a decade... had to be shown in a different light. Since, defence equipment production could not be stopped. The economies and much else of several countries depend on them. Therefore... enter a certain book... which was given unprecedented publicitty throughout the world... making its author too a household name. And he duly earned his 'reward'.
How many people even in India were aware of him... before this book was published... ??? How many actually read his book... ??? Good questions, no answers...!
Also the worldwide publicity given to another book written by a lady from a neighbouring country. Nobody had even heard of her... before that book was published. I wonder how many of her books were bought before that...

Even the danish cartoons.

Infact, I find it really strange... the periodic appearance of these cartoons, that is. How many people are aware of where Denmark is, what language they speak, what food is eaten there... or even the name of any newspaper published there... ??? But cartoons published there are known in every corner of the world. Strange!
I also find the publication of a certain book written by the person who shares his first name with our Bollywood shirtless thunder... very odd. Very, very odd.
The timing of the publication is quite odd.

November 26, 2009 at 9:10 PM

Pak is nothing on its own. They are just the smokescreen for Uncle Sam and others. Their army/intelligence will never do anything until the US has winked at them.

This virulent form of Islam... 'Wahabism' was perpetuated by Uncle Sam in conjunction with the House of Saud... primarily. It is a 'Sunni' form of Islam.

So much so... that the real descendents of Prophet Muhammad... the Shias... have been rendered a minority.

The Shias/Khwajas/Khojas/Ismaili/Aga Khani/Ahmedi... etc are all sects of this faith... which are closer to Hinduism. They even rever Ganesh and Shri Krishna. And have the concept of the 'Dasavathara'.

The other school of thought among the 'Sunni' form of Islam... 'Barelvi' too is much gentler.

Note the attempts to link Hinduism to terrorism... oflate.

November 26, 2009 at 9:19 PM

The occupant of the most expensive piece of real estate in the US of A is just a face. The real power-wielders are faceless.

See what happened to JFK... since he tried to take on the gun lobby. See what they did to him and then covered-up the entire matter. Plus what they did to his family.

November 26, 2009 at 9:22 PM

Well, I'll give you this. You make one hell of a case. I'm aware of all the arguments that you just made. And I agree with 100% of them.

The creation of jihadis by the CIA, the special training teams that went in to arm and equip the Mujahideen and everything else is a matter of public record now. The house of Saud has been doing so publicly for decades, the Hezbollah, Afghanistan, Pakistan.

I also know that defense contractors are a massively powerful lobby. In fact, the last season of 24 had just that as a premise. The US promotes attacks on its own homeland to kind of drive the Hawks in the administration for more defense spending. And this has been an underlying belief publicly for a long time. What now, after the Cold War? Who's the enemy? And Private Military Corporations and mercs are making a killing, literally and figuratively, on all these global conflicts.

I honestly do not believe that tribal warlords can sustain wars, no matter how much opium money they might have, without direct deals with major arms manufacturers (through third parties, I'm assuming). And I never believed that Bush ever did want to catch Osama. The moment Saddam was captured, they had to stop demonizing the country cause the dictator was dead. And now, they're just stuck. This is almost 10 times worse than Vietnam. Ditto with Afghanistan. They ousted the Taliban, and installed the massively ineffective govt and they're stuck. In Pakistan, the Taliban has the balls to attack actual Commando Training Centers, that's how powerful they are there. And trust me, if they ever do manage to rout them (which they never can), Pakistan is a failed state that will collapse in to Civil war with Tribal chiefs feuding each other and the army for control of the nation. Pakistan in a few years will be where Afghanistan is now. South Asia is destabalizing at a rate much faster than anyone can cope.

But while the arms lobby might win now, eventually they'll have to stop. Not because of the goodness of their hearts but all it needs is one slip up. One dirty bomb getting into the continental US (not that I would wish it on them) and they'll realize that brute force on foreign soil only perpetuates hatred, it doesn't wipe it out. And the public opinion will demand that the US withdraw and strengthen its own borders. This might lead to a withdrawn, isolationist America (like in the 30s) but it will happen. This is not a sustainable policy. And this is the stuff revolutions are made of. That's where I believe this is headed.

November 27, 2009 at 11:16 AM

Hi, well be sensible, well-all described

November 24, 2010 at 12:41 PM

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